Navigating Care & Property

When I separated, I had no idea what chaos lay ahead. Parenting plans, apps, court hearings. It was overwhelming. I learned a lot the hard way, and I hope this page can save you time and possibly money too.

Sorting out arrangements with your ex-partner can feel daunting. Every situation is different. Focus on:

1. Care for the kids

2. Property & finances

The hard part is gaining that clarity: knowing what’s best for your children, what works for you, and what doesn’t. For me, that meant getting educated and understanding the mechanics behind those decisions.

I hope these insights and resources can help you get that clarity too.

The Agreement Process at a Glance

1. When issues come up, the first step is usually to try and reach agreement directly with your ex-partner.

2. If you can’t agree, the next option is often involving lawyers for legal advise and/or mediation. In New Zealand, this is called Family Dispute Resolution (FDR). A trained mediator helps you both discuss matters constructively and work toward a written agreement. Unless the court directs you to attend, mediation is voluntary.

3. If agreement still isn’t possible, and important matters like where the children live or guardianship decisions need resolution, either parent can apply to the Family Court. To apply to the Family Court for parenting orders (unless it’s urgent), you must have:

   1. Completed Parenting through separation course, and

   2. Attempted FDR (unless you qualify for an exemption).

4. At any stage, you can seek independent legal advice to understand your options and how best to protect your child’s interests.

Tip: Whatever you agree with your ex-partner, it’s always recommended to document it in writing, even if you’re on good terms.

Note: The process may be different if there are concerns about family violence or safety. In those situations, urgent or alternative pathways may apply.

If you enter the Family Court process, a judge will make major decisions affecting you and your children. It’s meant to be a last resort or for urgent matters. Unfortunately, the courts can sometimes become a space where conflict is prolonged, draining you emotionally and financially. If that’s part of your story you may need extra resources and a strategic approach.

If you’ve never heard of a Parenting Plan

When I separated, I had no idea what “child custody” even meant. Terms like “parenting plan,” “care and contact,” or “shared custody” were completely foreign to me. I felt completely unprepared and, honestly, a bit overwhelmed. If that’s you, the first thing to know is: there’s no one-size-fits-all. Every family, every child, and every situation is different.

• The Ministry of Justice provides guidance for parents navigating separation. Their Parenting Arrangements Overview & Parenting through separation pack are free and come with checklists.

• Parenting apps & blogs, such as Blog from OurFamilyWizard provides examples of typical schedules and practical guidance.

Tip: Co-parenting apps keep communication clear and contained.

They timestamp and store messages as court-ready records, help maintain a respectful tone, and let you manage schedules and updates without sharing personal details or mixing with everyday life. Common ones are OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents. They are especially recommended when you are going through high-conflict separations.

Also check out the page on co-parenting communication.

More Resources:

• The MoneyHub Divorce Guide: Has it all - guides, tips, Must-Know-Facts. Tips on dividing property, child support, budgeting, and legal options. Checklists included.

• Agreeable, Legal agreements faster and more affordable than traditional law firms, ideal for amicable or straightforward separations.

• If you are in family court and need to understand system dynamics and expectations

Recommended Listening:

• The Divorce Course Podcast: These two Aussie Power ladies is what I needed right at the start - A podcast that breaks down the legal and emotional side of divorce into practical steps, tips, and strategies to help you feel more informed and less overwhelmed. It’s based on Australian law but, a lot of content around strategies, mindset, systems and processes is highly relevant. You can also find them on Youtube.

Note: Always get your own legal Advice. Also, divorce and separation are tough topics, often filled with strong emotions. There are many resources out there, and I’ve come across plenty that felt more like opinion than genuine guidance. I am careful to add only resources I find to be truly educational and useful and I may add more as I discover them.