Wellbeing
Solo mums carry heavy physical, emotional, logistical, and administrative loads - the kind people don’t see, but that quietly add to the exhaustion we all feel.
We’ve heard it a million times: self-care is so important. And it truly is but making it happen can feel impossible when you’re more limited than others in key areas like money, time and energy.
To make things harder, the options for parents are already limited - only a handful of gyms with childcare, or cafés with play areas. So, solo mums often have to be more innovative and creative when it comes to many things in life, including self-care.
I hope some of the ideas below help you prioritise your wellbeing - even if it’s just a small step.
Mental Wellbeing
Being a solo mum can feel isolating. It’s one of the most common (and toughest) parts of this journey.
Here are a few ways to build connection and support your mental wellbeing:
Find community and routine
Set regular things - Monday playdates, Friday dinners, anything that gives you something to look forward to and keeps you connected. Even if people are hard to come by, don’t stop reaching out.
It’s also about prioritising community. I once told my boss I had to leave work a bit early for a neighbourhood barbecue. I explained that we have no family around and need that local support network - and it mattered. This isn’t selfish; it’s survival.
Try a church or community group
If faith isn’t your thing, look for non-denominational or community-based options. It’s a guaranteed weekly space for you and your kids to connect with others.
Grounding exercises
Here are a few small, practical ways to calm your system:
Stand barefoot on grass, sand, or soil
Notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste
Take five deep breaths - slow, long exhales. On that note, your kids may learn breathing exercise at school or daycare - great to do them together in moments of stress.
I first learned some of these from a podcast.
The power of cold water
The beach (or any swimmable water like lakes or rivers) has a magic ability to reset the nervous system. In moments of overwhelm or heartbreak, I highly recommend just going - even if it’s cold. One icy dip once pulled me out of a heavy emotional fog. Solo mums often live with ongoing stress, and our nervous systems deserve those resets.
If you are struggling and need immediate and professional mental health, visit: Mental Health Foundation – Single Parents Support
Physical Wellbeing
Active in Nature
New Zealand has endless natural beauty, and the best part: it’s free. Since becoming a solo mum, trails have become my go-to.
It’s great exercise and easy to include your kids if you can’t carve out time alone.
Try these links for inspiration:
Free Youtube classes
You’ll find an abundance of free HIIT (High intensity interval training) - Yoga, Yoga Nidra, meditation or other active classes is available on Youtube. These links are just ideas that I’ve tried myself - you can always do your own search and find the class that suits you.
Gyms with childcare
They do exist! These are the ones I could find but I recommend giving it a quick go on google to search for gyms with childcare in your area.
Join a club and try new activities
Join family-friendly clubs like tramping or surf lifesaving. Shared activities naturally build friendships. If you have solo time and miss your kids, try a new hobby that gets you out of the house - a team sport, book club, pottery, or yoga. Many offer free trials or low-cost one-off sessions, so there’s no need to commit.
Tip: Look for Koha Yoga classes in New Zealand to fit your budget - give it a quick google search for koha+Yoga in your area or community groups (e.g. on Facebook).
Simple, healthy food
I can’t always muster the discipline to plan meals and shop accordingly, so I flip the script with tech. Using tools like Copilot or ChatGPT, I just list what’s in my pantry, how much time I have, and ask for something healthy — instant meal ideas that fit real life. Simple can still be good; sometimes it’s sandwiches three days in a row, but always with some fresh veggies.
If you’re more organised, find a food blog or recipe site that suits your style.