Divorce & Separation

Ending a relationship is rarely simple. As a solo mum, you’re navigating not only your own emotions, but also the practical challenges of parenting, finances, and legal arrangements. It can feel overwhelming but you don’t have to start from zero. This section is very personal to me and I hope you find it helpul.

Here you will find:

• Have a look at the Life admin checklist if you’re at the start of your separation or divorce

• Find resources to navigate care and property and think about who can help you.

• Insights on commonly asked questions.

After a tough and unsettling time, I found that learning and gaining insight were my first steps toward peace and freedom. Some of the resources here were absolute lifelines for me. I know how hopeless it can feel. But the right support, guidance, and a little clarity can make all the difference.

General insights from others & most common questions

• Does it have to be 50/50?

  Short answer: no.

  While 50/50 shared care is common, it isn’t automatically what’s best for your kids. Care arrangements can be flexible — 60/40, 70/30, or less — depending on your child’s age, needs, and family circumstances. For example:

  • Infants and babies may not have overnights initially but stretches of a few hours

  • Care may be gradually increased over time as children adjust to both homes.

  • Younger kids need short but frequent visits, etc.

There is a lot to consider and “your team” can help you to come up with a plan.

• Can either parent travel overseas without permission of the other parent

  Short answer: no.

  Children cannot be taken overseas without the consent of both parents. In most cases, parents typically support holidays, but circumstances vary:

  • There may be legitimate reasons for one parent to disagree.

  • Some parents may unreasonably block travel, using their legal rights. .

• Can children travel domestically without notifying the other parent?

Short answer: usually yes.

For domestic travel (within New Zealand), there is no legal requirement for one parent to get the other’s permission. That said, it’s good practice to notify the other parent if the children will be away overnight or for an extended period. This helps maintain trust and avoid misunderstandings.

Tip: Even when not legally required, a quick message or written note about travel plans can prevent unnecessary conflict and shows respect for shared parenting arrangements.

• What are guardianship matters?

Guardianship refers to the major decisions affecting your child’s welfare. These typically include:

• Health and medical treatment (e.g. vaccines or special treatments, not routine day-to-day care — if your child is sick, take them to the doctor and inform your ex-partner promptly)

• Education and schooling, including school trips and events

• Religious or cultural upbringing

• Legal matters and consent for official documents

• Extracurricular activities

Guardianship decisions usually require consent from both parents, regardless of the day-to-day care arrangement. Even if one parent has primary care, major decisions are shared unless a court orders otherwise.

Tip: Keep discussions documented, communicate clearly.

Note: this section shares common experiences and general observations. It is not legal advice. For guidance on your specific situation, please consult a qualified professional or the Ministry of Justice resources.

Tip: Learn practical tips for handling challenging  co-parenting in the co-parenting section

If your separation or divorce involves abuse or falls into the category of Domestic Violence, please see the Domestic Violence page on this Hub. Domestic Violence and Abuse can have significant impact on parenting arrangements for example.